BeGinninG Of tHe End

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Now its 3+ in the morning. Just got back from watching soccer with my frens at the coffee shop nearby. Im hungry rite now...never ate the whole day. Watched 2 matches. Liverpool vs Aston Villa and Newcastle vs Charlton.

At GV Yishun...theres was alot of tamil nation. HAHA! Today got tamil movie. So many of them.

Long time i have not seen a movie...dont know y. The last time i watched is X-MEN 3 with someone. After dat...no more. Dat was the last one.

I hurt my left ankle again. Its hurts.

Today i will visit my late dad and grandpa's grave with my cousin simce the 1st day of hari raya i nvr got to visit dem. So today i will visit dem. miss my dad and my grandpa. especially my dad. nvr get to know him very much and get loved from him.

He died wen i was very little. Wen i was in pri 1. Puasa time dat year. I wish he was here. He who is the one who introduce me wrestling. He nvr failed to watched wrestling. Until i was born...and i too watched wrestling. bought the figures. i have a lot a collection of the wrestling figures. i even wrestled at home from young till now. The wrestling are now still in my blood. My fav wrestle till now is BRET "THE HITMAN" HART. He was the best wrestler of all time.

My current dad is no chance can be compared to my late dad. Much Much Much better than my current dad.

Miss my grandpa too. Miss his milo. his milo was just rite. I remember everytime i came to his house...i would for his milo. nthing else except for his milo. he died wen i was in pri 3 or 4.

Aite. got to sleep now. have to wake up later on. i will update more later on aite? byez.

Now its 730pm. Eating my kerepek pisang and listening to IT'S MY LIFE by BON JOVI. It quite boring actuali. Gt nthing to do. Except listening to music and do some shit stuff in my comp.

Been trying to change my blog skin...but its makes me got a headache. Haiz...i feel so bored. Tomorrow and tues i on off. Got no plans. Dont know wat to do.

Got a lot of things in my head now. Problem just keep coming.

I tink im gonna sleep...

searching for the end @* 3:20 AM

Thursday, October 26, 2006

eating my bun while listening to SHE'S GONE by STEELHEART.

Had hard time in the jungle last nite. hard to sleep. uncomfortable. no music to entertain me so sleeping is all i can do.

Now im home...den tomorrow im off so as on monday and tuesday.

Last nite...i dreamt abt her AGAIN. Why do i have to remember abt her again where i should be forgeting her. WHY?! Its seem to me that she reali meant to me...meant to my life. But wat she have done to me...was unbearable. Only god knows how painful it was. Till now i still wishing that i and her wld get back together but wen she said she will try to love me....its hurts as if somthing just pierce through my heart. I dont know wat she reali want or wat is she tinking of. It just make me sad tinking of all over again. How when we first to get to know each other...talked on the phone everynite without faild..den we became more than friends. Everything was so perfect but somehow it ended.

Got to make myself strong...help me god. There's no one i can turn to. No one can understand how i felt.

Crying to myself...

Hating myself more and more...

searching for the end @* 10:57 PM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

First of all wanna wish SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all the melayu.

Some of the relatives (my mum side) has gone back. Now waiting for my dad's side to come. Wondering when they will be coming...

For the first time i nvr felt anything about hari raya. neither felt happy nor sad abt it...

Still sleepy. Dont know y. Haiz...

Later tonite,i will be goin back to camp. Cause tomorrow i will be goin for an outfield for 2 days. Haiz....

Listening to MLTR now...haiz...for now i've been listening to slow songs...dont know y...
Haiz...

But don worry...my heart still with black metal.

Rite now i miss someone dearly. Who use to be in my heart...haiz...

searching for the end @* 4:08 PM

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Long time nvr blogged. Been busy lately. Dis morning came back home bcoz yest i went for outfield. 4am till 12 am. Damn tired. Have to sleep inside the vehicle in a hot day.

A hard life man. But luckily get 2 days off. Tomorrow got to claim. WooHoo!

Now im sleepy and tired but i cant get to sleep. Something in my mind now.

THINK WHAT U REALLY WANT BECAUSE THERE'S ONE POINT U WERE GIVING ME HOPE.

MY HEART IS NOT FULLY HEALED YET.

THE WORDS THAT CAME FROM U WAS A PERFECT MURDER.

IT KILLS ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

DONT MAKE THINGS BECOME COMPLICATED.

IM TIRED OF GETTING HURT. NEVER WANT TO GET HURT AGAIN.

searching for the end @* 11:06 AM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Got nthing to blog today...all i have was yesterday feelings...

Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind

Where worries are washed out to sea

See the changes, people's faces blurred out

Like the sun spots or raindrops
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in timebut today

I've wasted away for today is on my mind
Left the only worries I had in my handsAway from the light in my eyes

Holding tight and try not to hide how I feel'

Cause feelings mean nothing now
All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in timebut today

I've wasted away for today is on my mind (yeah today is on my mind)
Now I can't care to worry

I'm feeling so lonely

Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind

Where feelings mean nothing now
All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time

(all be lost in time)

But today I've wasted away for today is on my mind for today is on my mind

yeah today is on my mind
Now I can't care to worry

I'm feeling so lonely

Breaking apart all this love in my heart

Bye Fad...

searching for the end @* 9:08 PM

Monday, October 16, 2006

I wanna say my piece. If u read dis..im sorry bt its all comes frm my heart.

Hating u was to forget u. But i just cant. Every bit and pieces of u still inside of me. Wen u ask the qs last nite...i tot there will be chance 4 u and me. But there's a tot of being scared of getting hurt again. im willing to take u back if u loved me. But wen u said dat u wanna try to love me...i just cant take it. Wat do u take me for? A guinea pig whether u cn love a person back? Dat is nt wat i am.

Till nw i still cant forget u...everywhere i go...i was hoping to bump into u or somthing. Bcoz i missed u so much. Dat i dreamt abt u alot of times. Hate dat!

Am i a fool?

Nvr tot love to be dis crazy and painful dat its messed up my life too hard.

Heart were broken...dreams were dashed...life were messed up.

Dat is love 4 u ppl.

Bt don worry...i will b alrite and b happy...

Take care deary...

searching for the end @* 8:42 PM

Sunday, October 15, 2006

So last nite...something happened in the msn. Someone prompt me. I was shock for a sec there. Nearly 2 mths we nvr chat with each other. Den of the sudden she prompt me. Like usual...asking me how am i and saying sorry after wat had happened. It was all in the past. Wat is past is past and i dont want to be reminded abt it again. Now i know that the dreams i had when im sleeping is all true.

Now the old FAD is back. For NOW no love for me.

And btw...nthing has been confirm yet. Mayb i will moving to TAMPINES. Yup TAMPINES. AIYO! Far man! So im planning that next month i goin to enrolled in motorbike.

Aite later i will be continue my blog again.

Just got back from geylang and fucking cibai im depressed rite now. FUCK UH FAD!!! Cn just stop it?! You're strong DAMNIT! Seriously i've got no mood and feelings to celebrate hari raya dis year. My parent ask me to buy baju kurong just now but i said i dont celebrate dis year. Were asked why? I replied bcoz of werk. The longer i was there the more depressed and fed up i became. AARRRGGGHHH!!!! i wanna cry...

searching for the end @* 12:51 PM

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Today i went jammin' with CRIMSON. You must be wondering who is CRIMSON rite? Well CRIMSON is my 2nd band. Black Metal. Woohoo! Long time nvr jam together. Busy with our own lifes. Mit dem at yishun mrt at 5pm den we went to penin. You know wat there was no more jammin studio. WAT THE FISH?! Souness Jammin Studio and Mega has closed down. Mega has now became a metal cd store. But theres 2 more jammin studio. Dan's jammin studio and forget the shop's name. Both sucks becoz the other has a glass door wich cn been seen by others and we don lyke dat. So we chose the DANs. A very fuck up studio. The drum gt no symbols and double pedal! How to play black metal song without double pedal?! Everything was fuck up in there. We end at 7 den went to FOOD JUNCTION at FUNAN for our breakfast. I ate FISH n CHIPS. Quite ok actuali.

After that went to YEW TEE to hang out. At there we drink. Not drink drink uh...you know wat i mean. Normal drink uh. Smoke alot. Fooyo! Den one of my frens buy murtabak. He's hungry again. Terok2. We oso joined. HAHA! It was fun actuali. Talked abt our band songs. We make jokes abt everything. Laughing non-stop. Hope to jam again with CRIMSON. Gt to improve my double pedal and the speed.

Tomorrow gt to accompany my mak to geylang. Buy kuehs and curtains. Wondering if wanna buy baju kurong or not? haiz...but for wat? gt no1 to share it with. Dreams were dashed. AH! Fuck that! Now im back to normal oredi! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THE OLD FAD IS BACK!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! WOOOHHHHOOOO!!!!!

Aite thats all...

searching for the end @* 11:47 PM

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Today was quite a fun day for me. Today i've got a half day leave so i went out with my frens...HIZAMI,HALIM and SUHAIRIE. So 1st we went to Lucky Plaza because got somthing to do there. We were there about 2 hr plus. Den we move off to Peninsula. The 3 of them wanna buy clothes. For the 1st time in my life...i went to penin but nvr bought aniting. Actuali i oredi aim this t-shirt. A PERFECT MURDER t-shirt. Fuckin nice. But i say to myself nt today my man. The others was bz shopping...while im smoking at the exit. HAHA! We were there lyke about 2 hrs or so. Thanks to SU aniway. He bought alot of tees. Aft that we went Bugis. At there...i bought a watch AGAIN. Ya ya i noe. i oredi bought a watch but the watch is broken. Haiz. Den I bought a t-shirt. very nice. Den go for our so called breakfast at macs. HAHA! We were laughing and making jokes of our breakfast. Aft that we to bazaar at Bugis. Oh man! it was fucking boring. it was small. my frens tot at there gt sell Baju Kurong but there was none. i tink im not goin to buy Baju Kurong for dis year raya. No feelings. Den smoke for a while...den we went home. i noe noe...it is very short but im oredi fucking tired of laughing my ass off the whole day. So thats all for today. Chows!

searching for the end @* 10:52 PM

Monday, October 09, 2006

Today's blog will be a short one. hurt my index finger's knuckle just now and now its hard for me to do aniting. Bodoh peh SU! Today do nothing. All i do is sleep the whole fucking day. nvr puasa also. So aft werk...i and my fren...HIZAMI,'breakfast' at BK Northpoint. At first we tot wanna eat at KFC den gt alot of ppl there so we went MAC. We put our bags down den we queue up. When its nearly our turn...i have a change of mind. I said to him dat, "are we sure wanna eat here?". He said dat he was following me as i wanna eat ay MAC at the 1st place bcoz of the smoking point. But we choose KFC instead. Den he suggest we eat at LJS. So we go to LJS. There was alot of ppl too bcoz it was oredi breakfast tyme. So our last resort was BK. I ordered Whopper Meal and he ordered Rendang Meal. Well there's quite a few chicks there. Mostly chinese uh. But there was 2 hot malay chicks wen we were at khatib. Shaking my heads for a while there. So get back at BK. Gt these 2 JC gerls. Malay and Chinese uh...shld be uh. The malay gerl quite sweet uh. So i was lyke looking at her...nt looking uh,a glance uh. So HIZAMI saw me and you know wat he was teasing me and talking loudly abt the JC gerls. WAH! DAMN! I dont know where to put my face man. We were laughing. AIYO! Crazy motherfucker. Aft we ate...i smoke den accompany him to the bus stand since he live at pasir ris. Den i went home...and doin dis blog. Nw wanna bathe.

searching for the end @* 8:25 PM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

im bored...im depressed. i dont know why. This past week im feeling alot better. The feeling of down is goin to be gone. Thats good though but...the feeling of hatred and loneliness is still there. Why do i still tink abt her? Sometymes i feel lyke wanting to sms her,asking her hows she's doin but wats the point of doin that? She shot me through my heart! But then...i just miss her too much! DAMNIT FAD! Get a hold of yourself! Why love have to be so painful when it should be wonderful thing? Thats is one thing. The other thing was when you cant get the girl who you have been loving all these years without her knowing it. You know how its feels? Some may know some may not. Its kills you! It pierce through your heart. With her around,im happy. But wat the hell...she is someone else gf. DAMN! Love...its a wonderful thing in this god's green earth but its painful. How i wish i wouldnt have this feelings. So i will not in this FUCKING state. Lonely...Hatred...Sadness and Solitude. The feelings that i've got now. I wanna kill these feelings that i have rite now include love. But im not strong enough. God pls...give me the strength to pull all of these through. Happy is all i want.

searching for the end @* 6:36 PM

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Alo! Sorry for not been updating my blog. Been lazy lately. HAHA! Ok i will summaries the days of everything i have done.

2nd and 3rd Oct - I was driving in camp send stores and bringing the new trainees around in my 1.5ton. The trainees was anxious about driving. Like they were asking "was it fun to drive?". Alot of question ah. When I was looking at them when they do saikang(do shit stuff),they reminding me of me when i was a trainees 7 months ago. I knew nothing about driving. All i knew was to do saikang. Nobody taught us(me and the other) how to survive. We knew nothing. After we became drivers,we slowly learned to lied and escaped. In army...especially drivers,if u want to survive...you have to lied and escaped every hole. That's is the only way.

4th Oct - Hmm...cant remember. HAHA! Sorry.

5th Oct - I was a DUTY DRIVER. DUTY DRIVER is where you just stay in a room for the whole day. All you have to do is answer a phone call and collect ration for me and the duty spec. Its quite boring unless you got entertainment. When it comes to nite...I and dis other guy...REZA the duty spec smoke here and there with our slippers on. Like apek sak. HAHA! Watching tv at the driver rest room. Eat some nite snack. And around 11plus,we slept after watching PRISON BREAK.

6th Oct - I went home after my duty end because i took a half day leave. Reach home never sleep eventhough my eyes told me that he need to rest. HAHA! Today i have to help SHA to paint her room. Her boyfriend oso there to help. 3 heads are better than 2. Reached her home around 4 and went out again to buy the paints. Why? Cause someone stole it. And how someone could stole it? The paints was place outside of her house. Good plan rite? Went to MARSILING RD to buy the paint. On the way to the place...the cab pass by Republic Poly. My eyes were lock on to the students who was waiting at the traffic lite,waiting to cross. Who knows maybe someone there. When reached the shop...bought blue and grey colour. When goin back...the cab passby Republic Poly again and my eyes were lock on also. But never saw the someone there. Reached sha's home. We shifted and take out her things and sweeps her room. For a room so small yet she had alot of things. Paints her room all day...tired,sleepy,hungry and want to smoke. After breakfast...we rest for a while,watching tv then we start painting again. Around 9plus...we end and cleaned her room and shifted her things back. Around 10plus...i and ian went home...took a train. when i reached home...i bathed and sleep.

So thats all that i have been doin these past week.

searching for the end @* 12:16 PM

Sunday, October 01, 2006

DAMN! IM BORED TO THE MAX! Feel like wanna go out but got no one to ask and got no destination. Haiz...my life just getting bored day by day. Everyday at home,all i was doing was listening to music,edit pics,msn,blogging and play PS2 which i onli play WINNING ELEVEN and SMACKDOWN VS RAW 2006. Still a long time to breakfast...im getting sleepy and I WANNA SMOKE!!! Now im watching AIR BUD:WORLD CUP. Chatting with SHA at the same time. AARRGGHH!!! IM BORED!!!

searching for the end @* 1:36 PM

FAD is the name but call me CHONG.

12 June 1987. so do the count babey!!!

A member of TEAM PAITZ.

black colour.
music that rockin'.
pool.
soccer/street.
movie.

over wearing concept.
politics.
techno.
trance.
dance.
attention seeker.
animal abuser.
unrespectful.

black sunglasses.
~~colour hair.~~
highlight hair.
black bed sheet.
HDTV.
blinds.
black beanie cap.
AFFLICTION Clothing.
laptop/notebook.
new handphone.
playstation 3.
sofa bed.
new room.
lose weight.

as my days restarted
ive lost all my words to speak
cus im broken soul
when you're not with me
i find it hard to move on
but ive gotta carry on
cus you're nt here with me
and my life's almost gone
and now you're
not makin' things so easy
when you thought i wus the one
tryin' 2 set you free
and now, can u even see it?
that i can't hold on
without you anymore
im sorry to say
that i want you to stay
stay here by my side
i promise i wun cry
and that ive made the change
to be stronger
stronger as i used to be
if u stay..
if u stay with me

A LOVING MUM SHE IS...THE ONLY ANGEL OF MINE.

TEAM PAITZ. GUYZ WHO MADE ME LAUGHED,SMILE,IRRITATED,GIVES ME ADVICE,CONSOLES ME AND HAS BEEN UPS AND DOWNS WITH ME.

MY WIFE. MY LOVE. MY EVERYTHING.

WRESTLING. IT'S HAS BEEN IN MY BLOOD SINCE I WAS A KID.I WANT TO BE IN IT.

MY FAV COUNTRY.