Saturday, September 30, 2006
After break-fast...i mit my fren SYAWAL. Suppose to mit him at 750pm at yishun mrt but he was late. Dont know why. I asked him him why and he said the bus was late. While waiting for him,i have smoked 3 sticks of cig. Around 8 plus,we reached. Then we the train to BUGIS. I wanna buy jeans at BUGIS STREET. Reached there,SYAWAL said he wanna go to TOPSHOP first...tot of buying a shirt but he change his,we did go into the shop and why he change his mind? Dis guy uh kinda of weird. He cannot see a pretty cashier...he will be stone. Dats why he change his mind of buying cloths there. Since he never buy anithing...i did. HAHA! At TOPSHOP also. I saw dis plain tshirt. The fabric quite nice and watsmore,he price was quite good. $16 and if buy will get less 20%. Dast cool rite? So no more thinking I bought the black and dark brown. I tot of buying another colour dat is white so i will have three but 2 is enuf for me. As i was queueing,no wonder SYAWAL dont want to buy anithing becoz the cashier was pretty yet cute. Malay girl. So after paid the tees,we went to BUGIS STREET then.
Alot of people there...as usual. Going up the 2nd floor since the shop at the 2nd floor. At there we lost becoz I forgot which shop it is. Its was like a maze in there. Finally I found the shop. Take my size and was goin to pay for it but...the shop doesnt have nets. WAT THE FUCK?! Then i told the lady dat i will be back with the money. Go back to BUGIS JUNCTION coz there got an ATM at TOPSHOP dast wat we tot but its gone. Both of us were lost as where the fuck we're goin to find a ATM. Den i remembered dat B1 gt ATM so we went down. I drew my money and so as SYAWAL. Then we go back to the shop...but we lost again. HAHA! We were laughing as we finding the shop. Finally found the shop,pay for the jeans. As we on our way out of the BUGIS STREET,i saw WWE UNFORGIVEN at the vcd shop and i bought it. Den we walked around again and i bought a wrist watch. HAHA! After dat,I ask SYAWAL wanna go where next? He said its too early to back so lets go to his favourite place.
We took the train and drop at KALLANG. You must be wondering go KALLANG for wat? Well in KALLANG,there's a place where its popular for guys. You know GEYLANG...the bad geylang. HAHA! Yeah we went there. Tonite was the best nite coz the INDON gerls was hot...HOT TO THE MAX! The last time i went there,its was ok but tonite...they were hot i tell you. But we never do it. We were just looking around. SYAWAL was fed up with me coz he saw the the 1st girl he had when he came the 1st time. He want to do it but i don let him. He pled with me to let him...but my ans still NO! We walk and walk and we returned back to the INDON gerls coz SYAWAL want to see her again but they were all gone coz there was a rate. He was sad though couldnt see his 1st 'love'. So we went to coffee shop and had a drink. Dis is irritate me man coz i ask for teh peng she gave me milo peng. Luckily it was nice if not waste money but its was SYAWAL money so no prob to me. Den he said he wanna go back to the same place to see his 1st 'love' but we we went back there,the gerls was still not there. So we plan to go home but SYAWAL look at his watch and he said dat erased our plan of goin back taking train bcoz 1130 was the last train so we took a cab...his money so no prob to me. Reached yishun...had drinks till 2 plus in the morning den i went home.
Jeans
Black Tshirt
Dark Brown Tshirt
searching for the end @* 6:10 AM
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Today was the best day of my driving life. Why? Cause I drove to AMK,HOUGANG,WOODLANDS,TAMPINES,PASIR RIS,BEDOK and UBI. Why you should ask? Because today I should have a detail...well I have it. I have to go to 3 place. But it was cancel. So I will be stupid to go back to camp and do nothing. And wat did I do? I drove around as if its was my own vehicle. HAHA! Its was tiring but fun at the same time. Wish I would have a car of my own.
After work...i went to my aunt house at woodland. I breakfast there. Then around 8...i went to mit SHA. Accompany her to buy bubble tea at causeway point. Never talk much. She was fed-up with that she also dont want to talk with me. So in the end i pick up myself to talk to her and tease her. Sorry SHA=.( God! What has happen to me? I angry with myself. I feel shit...I feel lyke jerk! Im sorry everyone...i really am. I also dont want to be lyke this. Now Im trying my best to letting go all this shit and get my old back. Sorry SHA to make you angry and fed up =(
searching for the end @* 10:12 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Hi=) Im not feeling so down lately now. Its seem to me to that the pain is fading away. But the happiness still not with me. Now i wanna apologies to anyone who has been trying to make me happy. Thanks for your concern...really appreciate it. Will be remembered. Everyday I felt like crying everytime i tink about ana. WHY I CANT GET OVER HER?! God pls help me. I cant take this anymore. The pain is here and my happiness is gone.
Sering kali kao berkata
Isi hati yang diluahkan
Resah hati yang berpanjangan
Dengan sikap mu yang bercelaru
Belom sempat ku berkata
Apa yang tersirat dihati
Tiba-tiba kao menghancorkan
Harapan ku yang padu
Terpaksa ku lepaskan mu
Kerna itu yang kao mahu
Hari-hari ku termangu
Mengenangkan hidopku
Kini tingal serpihan cinta
Yang hanya bersemadi
Masih ku harap kao kembali
Menyempurna cinta kita ini
searching for the end @* 9:30 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
For the 1st time in my life..I felt lost. Today I went to nowhere. I took the mrt...thinking of going to orchard. When reached orchard,I never get out of the mrt. I had a second thought that is going to ct hall instead. But when I reached ct hall,I never get out. I said to myself,I will just bounce back frm marina bay to yishun. So I bounce back but in the end,I drop at DHOBY GHAUT instead. From DHOBY GHAUT I walked to ORCHARD. Stop at every shopping mall there. My mind just blank today. I dont know what has happen to me. Yeah Im still down about ana. Not so down though. But the happiness still gone frm my life.
Below is a lyric from Death In December...title Defefinition Of A Love. These are the words that is inside my heart.
I think about the days
Im cherishing these memories we have made
We still have our stories About the times
We stayed up all night talking on the telephone again
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over
Im falling apart without you
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over Im falling apart without you, again
I saw you last night
Im missing you the most
When i look into your eyes
I can’t stop pretending
That im okay Im wishing you were sitting home
Thinking about me
And i cant take much more of this
Cause im falling apart without you
And even though i know you’re leaving
Im praying it’s not for good
For good
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over
Im falling apart without you
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over
Im falling apart without you, again
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over Im falling apart without you
We have the best times in life
And i realize its overIm falling apart without you, again
We have the best times in life
And i realize its over Im falling apart without you
We have the best times in life
And i realize its overIm falling apart without you, again
I realize its over
I realize its over
I realize its over now
Again...
searching for the end @* 11:51 PM
Friday, September 22, 2006
Happiness? Im sure you all have it in your life. But for me...its no more. Its nothing to me now. I have lost it. It has gone away. Yeah...you do see me laugh...but its not the laugh I used to had. Its just to cover up the sadness in me. Now its hard for me to smile even though Im with my friends.
Even HALIM scolded me for me being a different man. There's no laughter and smile in me. Im not the FAD last time. Used to be a joker. Irritating FAD. Noisy FAD. But now...its just a quiet FAD. Tell me...what can I do? There's nothing I can do. There's no more happiness in me.
Ever since the shits happened to me. About her. About my life. I just want to be alone. Fuck everything that evolves around me.
Can I find my happiness back? Im also not sure. Maybe I will not find it anymore.
Still cant get her over. Heart torn wide open. Bleeding profusely. Feeling hatred for her is deep inside me. SHIT! Why Im crying? You have been crying too much FAD!!! Stop it man!
Sha...thanks for trying to make me happy. Im happy when Im with you. You're a special one...
searching for the end @* 11:11 PM
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Halo =) Today Im gonna talk about me. Yup. Just now at camp,my best bud,HALIM told me that Im a different man ever since my separation. He said that I seldom smile,seldom joking around..but now I just kept quiet to myself. I know that Im a different man now. Im not what I used to be. He told me that what has happened is happened,no use thinking of it. Its true
Its really tears me apart after the separation. Happiness was gone. My heart still feel numb. Till now I still wondering and thinking why do she have to this to me? All the memories and our kiss were loved. The way she cared,she hugs all were loved but she said that she dont know how to loved someone? Its true or its a lie? Or its was a pretending? I just love her too much. But never thought a girl like her would do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Alot of memories with her. All the dreams I had about her has been broken. Well maybe fate just dont want me to be with her.
Now Im here with agony and pain.
searching for the end @* 9:49 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
So Im back guys. Im do somthing drastic today. Well what did I do? I will tell ya. I have an outfield for 2 days,yesterday and today. It suppose to end tonight at 12am. But the Conducting Officer change the timing to 12pm. Cant expect us to saty in camp till6+ do you? So me and my frens...altogether we are 10 guys decided that we go home after we done with the exercise,thats what it called when we have an outfield. We reached camp at 11+,we unload all the things we carried and get the officers to sign the log book and documents,we park our vehicles and went up bunk,we bathe and get dressed. At first,we thought of climbing from the back gate but we have a second thought. But thank god as we came down,one of our frens,Shafiee have a vehicle since he got an exercise so we ask him to drove us to the main gate. He drove a landrover and we onli have 5 person the rest wanna stay in the camp for while. So Shafiee drove us to the main gate,reached there we quickly get out of the camp without looking back. At last,our mission completed. So hopefully it will be alrite.
Buy some food on the way home. Reached home,eat then sleep till 5+. Tomorrow morning I will book in. Got to washed vehicle and book in our log book and key.
Ok thats all for today =)
searching for the end @* 9:11 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
What did I do today? Woke up around 11+ in the morning. Play my PS2 till in the afternoon. Then my old secondary school mate...Muz,ask me to hangout with him for a while under my block. After a while,meet Sha again. Woohoo! Haha! To alter my new jeans and as for Sha,she want to alter her MACBETH tee at woodlands checkpoint there. While waiting for the sewers to finish the sewing,we ate the KFC nearby. And talk at the same time. After we get the clothes back,we back all the way from woodlands checkpoint to admirlty. Imagine that. Its like a walking marathon. Oh ya! I've got my line back. Yesh! Oklah that all that I can say for today.
searching for the end @* 8:53 PM
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Alo =) So today I went out for shopping with SHA. Shopping at Peninsula. Met her at admirlty stn at 330pm but then waited for her till around 4 plus. Then we took the train to city hall. Reached there,we went to peninsula while smoking. Saw a group of punk. Maseh budak2. Merepek uh. Nak step manenye punk. Punk kat singapore takleh hidop uh geng.
After smoked,went to a 2nd hand shop which sells 2nd hand clothing. I want to buy the pants there but pants there not to my liking so decided not to buy. Then went to another shop not 2nd hand one uh...I've bought a black jeans and a long black sleeve shirt. Total cost was $65 bucks. The black sleeve cost is $28 and the blak jean cost is abt $30+. Then went to the 2nd floor,bought a belt buckle cost abot $50+ but I bargain and the auntie gave me $35 for the buckle and I treat SHA to a t-shirt. MACBETH...$15. Pay it with nets but then it was decline. I was shocked. It was not enough to pay the buckle and the t-shirt so I have to pay half of the cost by $20 and the rest was by nets. Malu seh! Luckily I got money if not malu man.
After that went to eat at Marina Square. A shop called QIJI. It sells Nasi Lemak,Mee Siam,Mee Rebus and many more. I ate Nasi Lemak while Sha ate Mee Rebus. It was nice though. We eat and chat at the same time. It was cold that it gives me the chills. Then we went to smoke behind the Marina Square near Spore River there. At there,I've become quiet for a while cause the place has alot of memories fo me and ana. My mind just thinking of the memories. Many beautiful memories at city hall. Our first date. We celebrate our birthday there too.
After a while,Sha went to meet her bf at city hall mrt station. Accompany her to the station since she dont know her way out. After that we went our separate ways. I went to Spore river and sit there and smoked till 9+. Watching alot people walking. Couples dating. As the sky turns dark,the wind came. Its was the same feeling I had the 1st time when I was there with ana. I wished I could go back to that day. I dont know why I cant still get over her. Why? I want to forget about her but I just cant. Its killing me. She is just happy with her life now while I here, still hurting. Still in pain.
Below is a lyric done by Sha. Its about ana and me.
Last Chapter
You're captured by the eyes now i really cannot fix me up
You're just the perfect one for me to get all messed up
But now you're tryin' to bring me down and down
Dont you know that i wont be around
When you know its over
I've tried
Still i dunno what you want from me
Inside I cant' mend the broken pieces u did
Im fallin apart in the last chapter about you
You,you,yeah you
And i'm glad we're thru
I owes tod you'd cud
That you're able to complete me
Bt i ges my tod it all was wrong
When i know that you're came to play me
And now im here im all alone all alone
Im singin you this song
When i noe its over..
Never thought you were the one..
Never thought you were the one..whu messed me up...
searching for the end @* 10:18 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
Sorry for the absence of me. Been away for awhile. I was outfield for 3 day 2 night from Monday till Wednesday. I know I know now its Friday today and I should be blogging on Thursday but I was fucking shack(tired) that I cant do anything. So today I will blog. Let's start!
Actually I got nothing to blog about my day cause nothing happen today. Its was boring cause good buddies was on off.
Lets talk about somthing else. Hmm..
Im missing my freedom as teenadult. Haiz...next year December I will ORD and I hope I will get the license. So just pray that I wouldnt do somthing to stupid. Aite?
Right now I felt that Im not a happy man anymore. Dont know why. Maybe what has happened to me made me become like this. My life has never change since I was little. So fed up with it. I hate my life. I hate myself. My love life. Well used to have. Now Im better off alone. Im drifting from my parent cause...nevermind. I will just keep it to myself.
You do see me smile but it just to cover up all my sorrows,my pain and agony. I just want the death angel to take my soul so I can leave this world cause I just cant take it anymore.
Im already a broken man thanks to someone dearly. And with a broken soul. Haiz...maybe Im not fated to love and to be love. Im feel like crying right now. Sometime i do feel like crying when Im alone. I know right Im emo shit but you will never know my feelings.
So this is all I will blog for today. Take care aite. Bye.
searching for the end @* 7:11 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Hi! Im home. Yes I just got home not just ah from morning Im home...I just woke actually. Kena confine what. Its was not boring actually. Morning report to the DO(Duty Officer) then me and the others check stores. Then we vehicles for towbar and the padlock on each and every vehicle there. I check the 5 Ton. And you know how many are there? 45 5 Tons! Not including the exercise one. So after that we went back to our and clean up 4 while till 4pm we report again cause every 2 hours we have to report. After report we bathe and sleep till 6+,report again. Then I went to the other bunk to play XBOX. I played Winning Eleven 8,Burnout 3(best Game!), Medal Of Honour and Def Jam Vendetta. We played till 3am but around1 or 2+ I and HELMI ordered MC. After eating then play game for a while we sleep.
About 630 I woke cause my body was itchy all over kena bed bites. Tkleh tahan,I go and bathe. Scratching here,scratching there mcm monkey. After bathe was feeling good and fresh. Free form itchyness. Itchyness?? Got such word? Ah hentam saje uh. Still early so I played game for a while till 730 like that and my friends still sleeping and I dont want to wake them up so I change up and went home.
Tonight I will go back camp cause tomorrow I've got exercise at 7am. From monday till Wednesday. Hope to get more mileage so I can become CAT C. And get more detail and exercise and get 7000 km or more when Im going to ORD.
searching for the end @* 10:41 AM
Friday, September 08, 2006
Today it will be short cause nothing much happen but somthing did happen in the morning. This morning, I dreamt of ANA. WHAT THE FISH?! I dreamt abut me talking to her face to face. We quarrel about something. Dont know what was is it abt then I woke up. I know it's a little bit unlogical if you say. But this is the second time I dreamt about her. The first one is we chat in the msn then she ask for a breakup and its happens. Haiz...for this I dont know what goin to happen. Just wait for it to happen.
Tomorrow I will be confinement. Why? Because my bunk was dirty thats why. Like shit right? But what to do...army. We are dogs to the big guys. Yes we do.
Oklah...I gtg. Tired today.
searching for the end @* 8:10 PM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Ish! Today Im damn tired! Tired of what if you ask? Tired of...SLEEPING! From 9am till 12pm I sleep. Then from 1pm till 4 pm I sleep again. Good right? Haha! Since in camp I've got no detail and no exercise so its better I sleep than doing saikang. Haha!
Now my hp has been terminated. Haiz...now hard to contact people and people hard to contact. Dont know when I will pay the bills. Thanks eh mak.
So just in the evening,I met SHA admirtly to give back her bag when she forgot to bring back last monday. Pelupe nye budak(forgotten child) hehe. Then hang out for awhile. Talk-talk. We talk about HARI RAYA planning. Hehe. Puasa havent yet...planning about RAYA already. Well this year,I will be wearing the clolour as SHA. The colour is ORANGE. Its a first for me cause I never wore anything in orange. We will be a couple for a day WOHOO! Sorry IAN. Main2 je. And hopefully my cousin will rent a car or a van so I can drive it. Hehe. Cant wait for it.
Today it will be 3 month anniversary of me and ANA...but now it means nothing. I just miss her thats all. Take care ok? Hope you will be happy with your new chapter of life. Well it seems to me that you're happy alright.
And this sunday...I will be shopping. Yesh! And SHA will be accompany me that day. Yesh! I thought gonna buy...
- t-shirt(at far east and peninsula)
- sneakers
- skull belt buckle
- straight jeans
- long sleeves shirt
Some these things will be pending.
Ok now gtg. nak bobok.
searching for the end @* 11:33 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
So today is a very boring day for me. Been sleeping the whole day. But its also a down one cause I've been thinking about ANA since last night that I slept at 3 in the morning. I dont know why. It just that I hate her but at the same time I still do love her. But there's one thing which I cant accept it is that why she have to do this to me? Right now all these is eating me alive form the inside. All the questions is in my head which need to be answered and all the memories which kept popping. I hate all these SHIT! Never did thought you would be the one who destroyed my nearly complete life.
searching for the end @* 7:46 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
So today I on OFF. Yes get away from work for a day but actually for 3 days if you plus the weekends. HAHA! Had a hard life actually if your phone cant make an outgoing call or sms. CIBAI! So in the day I jammed with my bestfriend that is NISA and SHA at yishun. Its was ok though because I forgot the drum beats for a couple of songs(ButO!) and mostly I played sucks today. Really suck I tell you. I played sucks today cause something was corrupting my mind and the other thing was that we never jam for a very long time. Terok-terok(shake head).
Want to know what has been corrupting my mind? Well there's two things. So the first thing is about ANA. Well before I went out,I was surfing and reading people's blog. So afetr reading nisa's and sha's,I went into ANA's blog but she long time never update dont know why. So its still the same thing for a least2 or 3 weeks. Then I went into ILAH's blog(ANA's bestfriend). Then i saw a pic of she and ANA. having fun at the bowling alley. In the pic she looked happy though. From what I tink right,she never felt sadness or anything about our broke up. Of cause since she was the one who wants it. Thanks eh for making me miserable =)
So the second thing was regarding someone whom I love so much all this while since I known her. Eventhough I had a gf at that time. Hehe. Melampau kao fad! but really I do love her so much but I know that if i tell her that I had feelings for her,she wont accept it. Why? Nevermind I will just keep it to myself. Sorry =). Just to make it short,I will cherish our relationship as a friend very much. Hope you will happy always ok? =)
searching for the end @* 8:45 PM
Ok this is my new blog. The current one i dont know the password(forgot uh). Hehe. So I made a new one. So today what did i do? I meet sha in the evening under her block then we walked to marsiling just to buy a...Bubble Tea. Then we sat down at one of the blocks to chit-chat.
We talked about our love life. First was her's then we talked about my love life which is more complicating. Till now,there's been alot of question to be answered by her. Why does she do this to me? I love her so much yet she brought me down so bad. Why? Why? I never thought that you would be the one would destroyed my nearly complete life.
Below is what I used to think about you...now let just say that,
I Hate You But I Still Love You.
You were everything I wanted. You were everything a girl could be. Then you left me brokenhearted, Now you don't mean a thing to me. All I wanted was your Love. Hate is a strong word, but i really don't like you. Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you. Brought you around, and you just brought me down. Hate is a strong word, but I really don't like you. I really don't like you... Thought that everything was perfect, Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Thought you thought that I was worth it, Now I think a little differently. All i wanted was your Love. Now that it's over, you can't hurt me. Now that it's over, you can't bring me down.
Thanks for "loving" me all this 2 months and for your "care" too...
Thanks for brought me down so bad and broke my heart =)
Thanks once again. Muacks(last kiss from me).
searching for the end @* 2:39 PM
